The Sax Angle created a hypothetical portfolio for Charlie Sheen.  Our extensive backtesting proves you can still get wasted and make a killing in the stock market.

Charlie Sheen’s stock portfolio produced enormous gains while his career floundered.   That’s the conclusion that the analysts at the SAX  ANGLE came to while building a hypothetical portfolio of Charlie Sheen’s stock holdings.  Based on public information, TV shows, and extensive web gossip, we concluded that Charlie Sheen should own or control significant stock in nine companies, some private and public.

1. Playboy Enterprises– PLA.A

Charlie Sheen should get involved in a group offering a rival bid to Hugh Hefner’s attempt to take Playboy (PLA) Enterprise private.  Once a sought out guest of the Playboy Mansion, Charlie should plan behind the scenes to throw out its namesake owner. Once his buyout group gets control of Playboy, we suggest that Charlie plan to move into the mansion and mummify Hef and display him wax figure like descending the entrance stairs.

2. Laboratory Holdings- LH

Sheen should work with the drug testing giant’s research lab to make drug tests anyone can pass.  Charlies should direct his agent to make a deal for him to be the spokesperson for the new “Easy Pass Come Clean Machine.”

3.  Betty Ford Clinic Buyout

As a backup plan to the Playboy buyout, Sheen should organize a group to take the renowned Betty Ford Clinic private.  All Betty Ford and satellite rehab centers will be converted to a Club Med style resort/spa/destination.  Once the transformation is complete, the buyout group intends to bring the Company public under new management with a new name, Club Meth and Snow.  If possible meet with NASDAQ ahead of time for preliminary discussions to acquire the ticker symbol BLOW.

4. Pfizer PFE

When asked why we thought Charlie should own Pfizer, we offered one explanation, “Viagra duh…when you’re a winner like Charlie, every 8 min. counts; especially if she charges by the minute.”

5. Berkshire Hathaway BRK.A –

Perhaps the most controversial of our investment decisions was his short sale of Berkshire Hathaway stock.  If Charlie  heard that even Warren Buffett had turned him down for business risk insurance, Sheen would be enraged and probably say something like, “I’m going to go warlock on that rich old coke sipping cod.  Perhaps in an emotional outburst he would then proceed to short Berkshire Hathaway against the advice of his financial planners.

7. AOL AOL

TMZ, The paparazzi filled TV show hosted by lawyer Harvey Levin, and owned by AOL, should give Charlie Sheen a package.  Sheen gets Harvey on retainer, and at least 5 minutes a week in airtime that is scheduled for Charlie’s “sobriety moments”

8. Cord Blood CBAI

We suggest that the company that is best known for being used by the Olympic Drug Testing Committee have a new frontrunner for their presidential Election, Mr Charlie Sheen.  Mr Sheen could have become an investor in the 1980’s when he began “Tiger Blood” Transfusions on a regular basis.

9. Foster Grant Aai.FosterGrant, Inc.

Charlie Sheen was quoted as saying ” I always wear these Foster Grants.”  Who wouldn’t like something “polarized” when you’re bi-polar!”  Gives a new meaning to their slogan “who’s behind those Foster Grants?”

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Contact Harvey Sax at the SaxAngle.com or follow him on twitter.com/saxangle.   HSAX & CO, LLC is an independent investment advisory firm based in Park City, UT.  Its managing member, Harvey Sax, has earned a national reputation for substantially outperforming the market in good times and bad.

Don’t contact Kathleen McCann, CFL at Laugh Artist if you want to know anything about stock market analysis.  Kathleen is an eight-year veteran of the stage providing comic relief to the most conservative state in the Country.